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Spring Cleaning
Transcript dot com chips and salsa intro Well, it's April 7th. Where the hell have I been? I'll tell you exactly where I've been. I went to the store and I got a rolly chair. spinning and sliding in his rolly chair. Yeah! I also got new shoes. up his old shoe Or didn't. in Looks like Hillary did a little spring cleaning. Mark Penn was Hillary Clinton's chief strategist. from CNN article On Friday he met with the Colombian ambassador to the United States of Juan Valdez to discuss a trade pact that was widely criticized by Hillary on the campaign trail. When asked to comment, Mark Penn said in on unflattering picture of Penn "Bwaaaadiggiduh." Good news, parents. Now there's an easy way to get rid of your children. Dad, you best get busy. As did West Texas polygamist Warren Jeffs. That's hard to say. of CNN article 401 Kids from Polygamist Sect in State Custody Apparently, if a bunch of kids have the same dad, they don't deserve any parents at all. of Little Orphan Annie of the words '401 kids' in the headline That's what the k in 401k stands for. Now I have to do a little spring cleaning of my own. up the room Ta da! I have some other spring cleaning. I have some old footage I've been meaning to use for a while now. I went golfing with my dad. in the car: Hey dad, whatcha drinking? Dad: Medium double mocha latte with whipped cream. Dad, how do you think that makes the Colombian ambassador feel? of Juan Valdez My dad is an exquisite golfer. of Dad teeing off. I got confused and thought I was playing baseball. hits the ball and runs. And I forgot to drop my bat. This hole looked like a challenge. 8. Par 5. 498 yards. So I decided to ask my dad for advice. and his dad in the golf cart. Wheezy says: I don't know. Par 5. 498 yards. What do you think? dad: Hit a hole in one. I didn't want to disobey because I know what happens to kids these days. 401 kids from polygamist sect in state custody tees off. rolls in the hole. dad: Atta boy, son! I think that day, my relation to my family was secured. to today in Wheezy's apartment: Remember that blog post I made way back on October 10th about that horror movie I was going to crew on? Of course you do. Unless you're an idiot or blind. Gasps Oh I'm sorry David Alexander Patterson, the governor of New York. of Patterson He's a big fan. Well anyway, I've been sitting on a lot of behind-the-scenes footage. So here it is. I don't break promises, Jake. over footage of the camera: I was excited to be part of such a big production. Hey wheezies. I'm on the set of the movie 'Disgruntled.' I'm part of the crew. Let me introduce you to some of my awesome friends. camera at Jake and Eliza making out. Points camera away. Walks up to two guys. Hey! You want to say hi for wheezywaiter? Guy: Who the music are you? Get me a coffee. The cast and crew loved my documentarianism. very annoyed: Craig, put the musicing thing down. pushes Wheezy in a wheelchair into the bushes. drinks from a cup of coffee. Ryan: Hey Craig, throw this away. the coffee cup at Craig, and it bounces off Craig's head. I was very popular with the ladies. getting ready to change: Does he have to watch me undress? pans to Craig who is lurking and grinning behind some shelves. Warren, Miss Illinois USA 2006: Can somebody do something? to Craig who is gaping at her from a little ways away. woman: Does the sound guy have to be this close? pulls out to reveal Craig who is gaping at her from inches away, holding the mic. in his apartment, Craig raises his eyebrows a few times. Sorry, Jake. Not everything made the final cut. I blame myself. spins his chair: Happy birthday Amelia! towards the camera and winks (ding) dot com outro Outtakes: West Texas polygamist Warren Jeffs, West Texas polygamist Warren Jeffs, West Texas polygamist Warren Jeffs. Bwaaaadiggiduh. Recurring themes wink, outtakes Firsts first video with the rolly chair first episode where swearing is censored out (this time by music) Guests Wheezy's dad, Matt, Jake, Eliza, unidentified guy, Ryan, two women, Catherine Warren